The Long Awaited Germania Trip

I recently had the opportunity to travel to Germany for work for a week, and took an extra day or two to check out what I’d been missing by not living there.

Here's a list of my observations: Lets do it by the numbers this time:

18 - Times I joked about US currency being worthless (1.5 dollars – 1 euro)

18 - Times that german people laughed at that joke.

1 –Total number of times people from the US laughed at said joke.

5 - Germans who yelled at me for some reason or another - usually for making them late for something. They seem obsessed with being on time!

13 – Germans who seemed suspicious when I told them I didn’t speak German


2.5 – Number of kilometers walked while dragging my suitcase around Garmisch looking for my hotel
1 – number of giant lego men I found to hold hands with while searching for my hotel


92 – number of minutes spent looking at the mountains from the patio of my hotel room. I really miss the mountains.


800 - average millisecond delay between housekeeping knocking on the door and housekeeping kicking the door in

2 - number of times this happened while I was in a towel

23 – Number of trains ridden

5 - Kick-butt EuroMullets(tm) spotted on the train

64 - Minutes I slept in incredibly awkward positions on said trains

200 – Number of wrinkles in my dress shirt for sales visits – No irons in German hotels ☹.

3 – Number of castles visited


27 - Number of David Hasselhoff jokes made by me and B-Mac - for some reason Germans actually like his music!

22 - Meals consumed that centered on the theme of "Pork, Dumpling and Gravy"


1 – Number of times I had pork chops garnished with bacon slices

0 – Number of times I regretted eating bacon covered pork chops

11 – Hours spent watching co-workers consume large amounts of German beer in bier gartens


6 – Average number of coworkers per day I mocked for having a “tough time” after said hours

5 – The cost in dollars for .2 liters of "Coke Lite" (that's 6.7 fluid ounces for you US types).

6 – Average number of coworkers per day that mocked me for paying 10x more for Coke than they paid for beer

2000 – Number of square miles of fields that would be perfect for playing croquet or frizbee


1 – Days spent skiing on the Austrian/German border

8 - Number of "Schlepp Lifts" (Translated "Hauling Lifts") at the Zugspitz Ski resort, which operated by slipping behind one's butt and schlepping you up the hill.

2 - Number of times I failed epically at the Schlep lift by falling off

300 – Average number of feet I was dragged up the mountain on my stomach after falling from the lift - I refused to let go!


0 – Number of trees at the ski resort


9 - Seconds that I rode on a pig statue for a picture before being asked by a stranger "Are you from Texas?" and begrudgingly admitting "yes". I think it was the triumphant "yee-haw" that gave me away!

80 – Percentage of buildings in Munich that were destroyed in the war

1 – Rebuilt and most amazing town hall – complete with clock and glockenspiel


11 – My shoe size

11 – Apparent size of the “devil’s foot print” in the Munich Frauenkirche– draw your own conclusions
9 - Times a member of our party was clipped, hit, or yelled at by a bicyclist. It’s tough when you are only used to dodging cars to avoid trains and bicycles – it’s like frogger on steroids.

6 - Average number of TV channels that turn into porn channels after midnight.

9 - Number of movies I watched on my laptop between the hours of midnight and 3:00 AM

19% - Sales Tax rate in Germany. No lie.

18 - Number of billboards spotted that wouldn't go over well in the US. Yes, that's a blue condom on a lemon.

38 - Hours spent traveling home from Munich. Thank you, Delta, for losing our pilots.

8 – Krystals (bite sized burgers) consumed in the Atlanta airport while waiting for pilots.

1 - bird hit by our airplane on the approach into Austin

9.5 - On a scale of 1 to Awesome, the rating of my trip in its entirety – Thanks Germany!